Fools React, Warriors Respond
“I don’t feel comfortable making the switch.”
This was the gist of a conversation I had with someone recently who attained financial freedom and was having trouble pulling the trigger from diligently saving into diligently spending.
To be financially free is one thing.
To feel financially free is another.
To be financially free is available to few, to feel financially free is available to all.
While you may have a 6, 7, 8, or 9 figure net worth, what does this say about your perception of feeling financially free?
Nothing.
Sure, it may influence your perception, but it isn't solely responsible for feeling financially free (especially for the friend in reference who has all the money he needs but still is missing something).
To be financially free is to be void of any subconscious beliefs limiting your ability to fully feel what it is you already have.
No amount of money is going to give you the power to feel enough.
That work is up to you.
Throughout life there are conscious aspects of ourselves we are aware of and subconscious aspects of us that we are oblivious to.
Those subconscious parts of us can easily get buried through life experiences as we’re molded to act, think, and behave a certain way to reinforce acceptance among our social group, peers, and family members who we seek approval from.
These buried subconscious parts of ourselves don’t go away, rather, drift further away from our awareness.
What’s interesting is how these buried subconscious beliefs may reappear in your life.
Suppressed anger turns into passive aggressiveness.
Suppressed fear turns into risk aversion.
Suppressed rejection turns into perfectionism.
To spend time working through these suppressed emotions that have been avoided is to free yourself of beliefs that have been holding you back from what you’re truly seeking to feel.
This practice is called shadow work.
Byron Katie has a 4 step process for practicing uncovering these subconscious thoughts that may be responsible for limiting your ability to consciously live a more aligned life.
Step 1 = Notice
When you struggle with an idea, notice it. How do you feel?
Step 2 = Write
What are you feeling? (don’t worry about it being “right” just get it on paper)
Step 3 = Question
Ask yourself 4 specific questions:
Is it true?
Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
How do you react– e.g. What happens?– when you believe this thought?
Who would you be without this thought?
Step 4 = Turn it around
Explore the opposing viewpoint in this situation.
When you have a future goal or objective that is perceived to be more beneficial than your present reality, you can logically agree today that your actions should be more aligned towards that outcome.
When I think about the belief of frugality or over spending, many times, there’s likely a part of that story that you identify with (that you believe to be true).
A part of that belief makes you feel like you are who you think you are - like a part of your identity.
The question to consider is how that belief is also showing up in other areas of your life - is it truly helping you live the life you want… Or is it holding you back?
Could it be possible to maintain the same identity with a new belief that could help you attain the same outcome with less emotional baggage?
What if you could create a new belief to replace this old belief with something that will better serve your long-term goals (& create more alignment in your life in the present)?
But truth be told:
A newly constructed belief will not immediately be helpful to you.
Why?
You haven’t put in the reps to turn the belief concrete.
This new belief is like a newborn baby that needs care and attention before it’s able to stand up on its own.
The first time you trained your bicep muscle, I’m confident, your bicep was smaller, weaker, and your form could use work.
Today, you likely use more weight, have better form, and have a bigger bicep.
Why?
Because you put in the reps.
You got started - then you got good.
In the same way:
Emotions are energy in motion.
While we don’t control what emotions we feel, we do control how we respond to the emotions at hand.
A newly created belief needs to be reinforced constantly.
The good news?
Life is a beautiful battle ground offering tried and true ways to test how strongly your belief is held.
You’ll easily find your old belief rearing its head when challenges arise - but feeling that emotion through you, then consciously attaching your new belief to that challenge will be hard at first but with practice this belief can be shifted.
What was once an obstacle, becomes an opportunity.
Through this practice you can learn to both accept and trust what happens with an understanding that everything is working out the way it’s supposed to while still leaning on your ability to identify, reframe, and nudge your actions to more closely align with your beliefs until they become second nature.
Fools react, warriors respond.